R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

I haven't really been in the writing mood lately but as of the last couple days I thought I should put a few thoughts down here in the Blog World.
2009 has been a wild ride so far.
A few words that come to mind are:
Empowering
Passionate
Respect
Love
Freedom
Interminable
I have gone back to work in our company, actually I was asked to come back which is a huge deal! My husband and I own a company and my input was never really seen as of much value, at least that is how I felt. I would sit in the background, shaking my head when I didn't agree with what decisions were made or how things were being run, but all the while letting out a sigh (You know, one of those "wife sighs" that can be heard anywhere in the building!).
I didn't work there for an entire year and didn't have much input during that year. As a result, without getting into the details, I was asked to come in and figure out how and where things were going so wrong.
You see, I decided that this was the year that I was going to be me without apologies! I was not going to be the wallflower or the doormat. I was going to be the person that didn't hide behind my mask of martyrdom. I was no longer going to be the "yes girl" when I wanted to say NO! I was going to be Amber without saying "I am sorry!"
As a result something very surprising happened.
After an "I am woman hear me roar!" proclamation...and a couple knock down drag out fights, I noticed that my husband looked at me with a little more admiration and respect. My opinions, not being hidden anymore and my lack of apologizing for them I started to stand up a little straighter and in turn, I was looking at him straight on instead of cricking my neck trying to look up at him.
Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't as pathetic as I am making myself sound pre-2009 (and my husband is not a jerk like he might sound), but I had this false notion that I should be so damn pleasant and nice all the time, that I was denying myself the respect that I deserved, not just from my husband but from people in general.
We are six weeks into this new year and I feel like I have come out of a fog. I feel more connected and attracted to my husband that I have felt in a long time. I feel like he has a new respect for me and I for him.
We have been married, coming up on 14 years in April and I am truly content and happy.
He is the person that I would choose to spend all my time with if I had to choose just one person. A few weeks ago we stayed up and talked until 4am! That's right...4am! The best part of that was realizing that we still enjoy asking each other questions and then listening to the answers to those questions. The fact that we are still interested in hearing what the other thinks about issues and life, neither one of us have become a forgone conclusion!
I am so grateful that one of our favorite things to do together is dream about our future, and plan adventures together and things that we want to do separately.
I have learned to give him the freedom to be who he is, all that he is and all that entails. I am not afraid that he will take this freedom and abuse it.
I don't want to take who he is and try to control that. I want to give him the freedom and encouragement to be him, in all his wildness and harebrained ideas!
He has done the same for me, but for so long I (once again, in my martyrdom) I was afraid to really be me.
In so many ways he would tell me that from time to time.
I never understood what he was saying until this year! Now I get it.
Let's see what happens...this is going to be good! :-)