Balance

Balance is something I don't have a lot of.
I wonder if there is really anyone who has found a way to have a perfect balance in their life.
I doubt it.
I think that there are definitely people who have achieved a higher level of balance than others but I would bet that we all struggle with it.
I planned on writing everyday for 30 days no matter what. I must say that doing that is not very realistic. Once again, my lack of balance rears its ugly head.
My lack of balance has kept me from doing so many things because of fear and frustration of what I would see as failure. For example, I want to workout 6 days a week.
Realistic?
So I start on day one, day two, day three, day four, and now I am feeling goooood. I am so proud of myself. Day five comes and I am stuck in the office all day and then I have to go drive Michayla around, go grocery shopping, make dinner and I just drank a glass of wine. Gym...what gym?
Do I get up and go the next day? The answer is sadly no. Why, you might ask.
I blew it.
I "failed"
I could give you example after example of ways I do this to myself.
I have lived my life by all these rules that others have imposed upon me or that I have set upon myself. None of these rules have any balance in them whatsoever.
So I have set out in this new way of living. The thing I have been craving the most is balance.
I am eating 85% raw, living food. I have also fallen of the wagon and had some champagne and a few pieces of grilled chicken. **GASP**
But you know what? I started all over the very next day and didn't even really regret my indulgences.
I am losing weight and gaining perspective. I am shedding bad habits and grabbing hold of optimism. I have thrown out rules and have embraced clarity. I am eating raw, living, healthy, brightly colored food and learning balance.
Tomorrow will be the end of two weeks of eating mostly raw, living, organic food and drinking delicious green drinks. I feel fabulous! I am still waiting for that wake up early and ready to go feeling! I am hoping for that along with balance. :-)
Today I bought a book by one of my favorite authors, Being in Balance by Dr. Wayne Dyer and I thought I would share a quote from the book that really hit home with me.
There is a law in psychology that if you form a picture in your mind of what you would like to be, and you keep and you hold that picture there long enough, you will soon become exactly as you have been thinking.
That also sounds a lot like the verse in the Bible, As a man thinks in his heart, so he is. Proverbs 23:7
I am thinking that I am achieving balance and becoming a much healthier person physically, spiritually and emotionally.
YEY ME!!!!

It's the Little Things...

...like, Michayla and her friend Skye walking around the Harbor like I used to do with my best friend when I was her age. Watching them laugh and laugh...and laugh at nothing, just like I used to do with my friends (and sometimes still do...)
It's the little things like, being near the ocean and breathing in the salty air.
It's having friends that are more like family...It's having friends that have a boat at the harbor, that are willing to be generous enough to let you use it whenever. By whenever I mean living on it while they are gone for vacation or if you just need a get away for a night.
It's the little things in life like having a partner that after 16 years of being together you are still curious about what they think about different situations, politics, and general life topics. Nobody has become a foregone conclusion.
I sit here typing on my friend Jackie and Rod's boat in the harbor. Large fish keep leaping out of the water, Pelicans fly by, I can hear the laughter of my daughter and her friend, the tide pushes us back and forth and all I can think of is, "I must be the most blessed person on the face of the earth."
~The ocean, the white foam it throws, the wet sand you step into that sinks as you pass, the sand crabs that make triangles in the sand as the tide recedes, the sea weed and kelp that tangles in heaps on the shore...these are a few of my favorite things...
~The smell of salt, the sound of Michayla's laugh, the surprise of a sea lion popping up out of nowhere...those are some of my favorite things!
~Ipods that can play french music, pop and rap music and new age music...that is really good too! ~Lights that glimmer off the water, and birds that squawk so loudly as they go by....
~The breeze, the stillness of the water that makes it look like glass...
~The bubbles in a champagne glass that help us celebrate...
~The familiarity of family without expectation or rules...
~Digital cameras and cell phones, and the ability to catch funny moments like no other time before...
~God's grace, Thank Him for always forgiving, for never keeping a record of wrong when we fall...
~Thank God he looks at our heart...can I hear an amen???
~I love all the different cultures, languages, and customs...may we be able to travel far and often.
But for now, I am grateful for the simple sound of a rope being stretched and pulled against a boat, for the comfort of my family being very near, and for the ability of living and playing in a place I love and cherish so much...These are a few of my favorite things!

Detoxing?

Today I feel like crap! Crap Crap Crap!!! It is day 7 of my raw food lifestyle and I didn't sleep very well last night. I had stomach cramps and just couldn't sleep, period! I woke up very tired and didn't even have the desire for any food.
I just made some veggie juice and drank some barley grass juice and now, I feel worse. I have a headache and am in a bad mood! I don't want to eat broccoli or anything like that. I want a giant New York style cheese pizza!
This is my first food craving. I have lost 10lbs in one week, so that is a plus.
I am going to go to the gym and do some cardio for 30 min and then sit in the sauna for 20. Maybe then I will feel a little better.
I feel like I am in some new phase of detoxing. I don't know...

Day 2 (can't really come up with anything clever)

I am not in the mood to write and it's only day two of my goal. It's late and I am a little tired.
I just got back from Barnes and Noble, my favorite place on earth, and picked up a raw food cookbook and another book called Green for Life.
Today I didn't eat anything cooked and juiced twice. I took the Barley Grass powder 3 times just like it said to do and I didn't have any unpleasant symptoms. I think I am getting used to this. I am not hungry very much, but when I am I feel a weird power over my hunger. It is like my body is telling me that it needs something and I am the one that is in control this time not my hunger. I feel 1000% more will power than I had just one week ago!
I am looking forward to reading through the cookbook and finding out how to cook and eat this way long term. Right now I am just eating nuts, fruit, plain veggies and juice, that can't satisfy me long term for sure!
The thing I am having a hard time with is remembering to drink water. I don't think I am drinking enough. Maybe that is because I what I am eating has so much water in it. I am pretty sure that I still need to be drinking more water.
Other than that it's all going pretty well. I am just tired for now, so goodnight!

Hello Again

Wow, I haven't done this in a while! I have fallen off the writing wagon for a while and now, I am ready to jump back on!

My goal is to write in this blog for thirty days without missing one single day. No matter how short or long I will have something to say for thirty days. So here we go!

My newest venture is giving up meat, all processed food, white and refined sugar, dairy (even my beloved Brie and Goat Cheese), alcohol, and almost all things cooked.

I had a liver panel done and my liver enzymes were a little high and that really gave me a wake up call! I new I needed to lose some much earned weight, but I had no idea that my liver was even the slightest bit affected. I took that very seriously and researched everything I could about the liver and what affects it and found out that being over weight, eating in the way of the Standard American Diet otherwise known as SAD, taking even medications like ibuprofen, and drinking quite a bit of alcohol has a profound impact on your liver. Most of this I knew but thought, "Oh, it can't happen to me. I am not an unhealthy person."

Well, it was starting to happen to me and I am not having it! I am not going to become the person I was already starting to become! Does that make sense?

So, I busted out my Jack Lalanne Juicer and ran down to my local health food store and bought organic beets, carrots, spinach, kale, cucumbers, apples, and grapes to juice. I also bought some artichoke pills and a liver detox tea, I rarely do things half way!

I started juicing on Friday. It is now Wednesday and after a couple days of headaches and some unpleasant symptoms I feel really good! My food cravings are all but gone! It has almost been too easy. I expected this to be way more difficult than it has been. Maybe, it is just because I am really ready to make a change and my body is thanking me for being kind to it after these last four years I have not been treating it very well!

I am eating a bunch of organic fruit in the morning for breakfast, but before I do that I mix up this Barley grass powder in 6 ounces of water and down it. I didn't think I was going to be able to do that but it looks worse than it tastes! If you like green tea you can drink this! It is very earthy tasting and has no aftertaste whatsoever! I was pleasantly surprised! This Barley Grass juice is very alkalizing and has amazing effects on everything inside your body. I also juice a lot of veggies which once again, I have never been able to stomach, but now I really enjoy the taste! I don't know what happened but I am very happy I can do it and enjoy it!

What I have noticed so far, and remember I have only been doing this for 5 days, I have lost over 5 lbs, I have more mental clarity, my eyes are brighter, I am not as hungry, my food cravings are gone, and the best is how I feel so much more positive or optimistic. Maybe I feel less stressed out and a lot more balanced.

I still struggle with energy in the morning and a few times during the day. I know I am still detoxing and it will take a while to reap the full benefits.

So the plan is to eat 85% raw and 15% cooked food. If it is alive it is good. If it is dead or could walk, it is a no no. That is the plan and we will see what happens down the road. I am just looking forward to feeling like my old self and looking like my old self too! :-)

Well, there you go. Day one of writing for thirty days straight. YEY me!!!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

I haven't really been in the writing mood lately but as of the last couple days I thought I should put a few thoughts down here in the Blog World.
2009 has been a wild ride so far.
A few words that come to mind are:
Empowering
Passionate
Respect
Love
Freedom
Interminable
I have gone back to work in our company, actually I was asked to come back which is a huge deal! My husband and I own a company and my input was never really seen as of much value, at least that is how I felt. I would sit in the background, shaking my head when I didn't agree with what decisions were made or how things were being run, but all the while letting out a sigh (You know, one of those "wife sighs" that can be heard anywhere in the building!).
I didn't work there for an entire year and didn't have much input during that year. As a result, without getting into the details, I was asked to come in and figure out how and where things were going so wrong.
You see, I decided that this was the year that I was going to be me without apologies! I was not going to be the wallflower or the doormat. I was going to be the person that didn't hide behind my mask of martyrdom. I was no longer going to be the "yes girl" when I wanted to say NO! I was going to be Amber without saying "I am sorry!"
As a result something very surprising happened.
After an "I am woman hear me roar!" proclamation...and a couple knock down drag out fights, I noticed that my husband looked at me with a little more admiration and respect. My opinions, not being hidden anymore and my lack of apologizing for them I started to stand up a little straighter and in turn, I was looking at him straight on instead of cricking my neck trying to look up at him.
Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't as pathetic as I am making myself sound pre-2009 (and my husband is not a jerk like he might sound), but I had this false notion that I should be so damn pleasant and nice all the time, that I was denying myself the respect that I deserved, not just from my husband but from people in general.
We are six weeks into this new year and I feel like I have come out of a fog. I feel more connected and attracted to my husband that I have felt in a long time. I feel like he has a new respect for me and I for him.
We have been married, coming up on 14 years in April and I am truly content and happy.
He is the person that I would choose to spend all my time with if I had to choose just one person. A few weeks ago we stayed up and talked until 4am! That's right...4am! The best part of that was realizing that we still enjoy asking each other questions and then listening to the answers to those questions. The fact that we are still interested in hearing what the other thinks about issues and life, neither one of us have become a forgone conclusion!
I am so grateful that one of our favorite things to do together is dream about our future, and plan adventures together and things that we want to do separately.
I have learned to give him the freedom to be who he is, all that he is and all that entails. I am not afraid that he will take this freedom and abuse it.
I don't want to take who he is and try to control that. I want to give him the freedom and encouragement to be him, in all his wildness and harebrained ideas!
He has done the same for me, but for so long I (once again, in my martyrdom) I was afraid to really be me.
In so many ways he would tell me that from time to time.
I never understood what he was saying until this year! Now I get it.
Let's see what happens...this is going to be good! :-)

Another Tag...I'm It!!!!

1. What is your biggest language pet peeve?
Double Negatives...you know, "You don't got no..." or "You don't do nothing." That gets on my LAST nerve!!!!
2. What are you wearing right now?
Black workout pants, a black tank and flip flops...Yoga attire!
3. If we were to look in your shower or tub right now, what would we see?
Razor, Trader Joe's Grapefruit Sea Scrub, shampoo and conditioner and body wash
4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would have gone to college right out of High School
5. Name of your 4th grade teacher?
My mom...I was home schooled that year, she was fabulous!!!!
6. What was the last thing you drank?
Wheat Grass Juice shot....that was before I had glass of Chardonnay at 11:45 PM!!!!!
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A Charger Girl...yep, that's right...I aim High!
8. How many colleges did you attend?
I went to Bible College for a year (that wasn't really like "college" but whatever) and I have gone to JC off and on and am now making the commitment....never too old, right??? :-)
9. What's something strange about you?
What is strange about me.....hhhhmmmm......I don't believe in psychics but.... I have strong (and hardly ever wrong) premonitions about people I care deeply about....either listen to me or don't. It's your bet! LOL!
10. Something that the opposite sex wears that is sexy to you?
Surf Trunks or a wetsuit :-)
11. Last book you read?
Women Who Run Wild With the Wolves
12. What errand/chore do you despise?
LAUNDRY!!!!
13. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in!
14. Who was your favorite cartoon character on TV as a kid?
Smurfette (is that how you spell it???)
15. Three perfumes you wear?
If the sun is shining- Pink from the gap. It is all grapefruity and fun. On a date night Black by Kenneth Cole and my new favorite is the new Juicy Couture!
16. Your favorite lunch meat?
Not a big lunch meat person with all the nitrates and chemicals so I love Hummus, Cucumbers, tomatoes, and sprouts! Yummy!
17. Describe Hell in seven words?
Life ..Without.. Truth..Eternal..Darkness..Regret..Thirst...
18. Beach or lake?
BEACH! Sorry but there is no way you can compare the power of the ocean against a lake....
19. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Nope!
20. What is your drink of choice when you're at a bar?
Lemon Drop! I love licking the sugar off the rim of the glass!
21. Name one famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Jesus!!!!!!
22. Three pets and their names you had growing up?
Missy-a giant St. Bernard when I was very little, Tramp- a hyperactive golden retriever, and Bear- a fabulous black lab...Miss them!
23. What do you usually order at Starbucks?
Skinny Vanilla Latte, no foam
24. Something you could eat once a week and never get tired of it?
Brie Cheese or Goat Cheese and a French Baguette!!!
25. Do you speak any other languages?
I am in the process of learning Spanish. I can understand most of it but I need some help speaking it. Then I want to learn Italian!!!
26. Four words that describe the person you like/love?
Strong, Independent, Hilarious, and Stubborn
27. What are you listening to right now?
Warm Whispers, Missy Higgins
28. When you travel on a plane what are your essentials?
Water, a book, Ipod, Xanax and a cocktail as soon as I sit down!
29. What do you do when you're nervous?
Bite my lip
30. Chocolate is:
equal to a marijuana high....at least that's what they say.....
31. I will always remember:
When Xavier kissed me for the first time!
32. The proudest moment in my life:
Becoming a mom
33. What's one thing you worry about a lot?
People not being happy with me, or letting people down. It's a bad habit!
34. Something this year that you're looking forward to?
Going to Puerto Rico and setting sail on a 7 night 7 island cruise with my two best girlfriends and a group of other friends that I can't wait to get to know!!!!
35. Is there anyone (opposite sex) who truly loves you unconditionally?
My husband
36. What's your goal in the next couple of months?
To keep myself at the top of the list (If mama ain't happy, nobody is happy!)
37. Favorite kind of cookie?
Chocolate dipped Macaroon!
38. Three things that are a total turn off?
A negative attitude, unkindness, prejudice, and laziness ( I know that four but oh, well)
39. Finish this sentence. Don't confuse:
joy with happiness!
40. What game are you really good at?
Well, first off NOT Pathwords! Right??? LOL! I would have to say I am good at Cranium...I kick ass at that game! :-)